Everybody loves Kyle
by Iris McKennen
Summary: Kyle seems to be in a love rectangle. Kyle-centric. Oneshot. R & R. :


**So uh, this is my first SP fanfic. A one-shot that focuses mainly on Kyle…and other stuff. Just read. :PP**

**Disclaimer: I don't own South Park. Matt and Trey does. Not me.**

"He's _mine_." Kenny mused as his chin rested on his palms, elbows on a lunch table. "Face it fatass, you will NEVER win him."

"Ay! Watch your mouth you poor piece of shit!" Cartman hissed back, slamming his hands on the table. "I will make sure that you will NEVER get your fucking hands on MY fucking Jew!"

"_Your_ Jew?" Kenny chuckled. "What makes you think that he's yours?"

"Well, what makes _you_ think he's _yours_?" The beefier teen countered.

"Let's see, well…with my charming looks and hot body, I don't think I have a problem seducing and persuading Kyle to bed. I've already done it with half the school population, maybe even more. So what's stopping me?" The blonde boy smirked. Everybody, from students to teachers, knows that Kenny McCormick is the greatest little fucker in the whole campus. He'd gotten more action in bed than anyone else. Eric Cartman, on the other hand, never really had any "experience" before, meaning Kenny has the upper hand.

They were originally waiting for Stan and Kyle to arrive from their class when Kenny decided to put up a conversation concerning Kyle, which lead to their current debate. Unfortunately, Stan arrived earlier than expected, and came hearing his two friends fight.

"What are you guys arguing about?" Stan asked as he sat beside Kenny. Seeing Cartman in rage, he didn't want to get any closer; for fear that he might be squashed.

"Well…we were talking about Kyle…" Kenny paused and looked around, trying to find the redhead, "Hey, where's Kyle anyways?" He continued.

The raven just shrugged, saying, " I don't know, he said he needs to check something out. Don't worry, he'll come. Anyway, you were talking about Kyle?"

"Uh huh." Kenny said with nod, before continuing. "Basically, we were fighting who gets to own him." He smiled, not caring if he's talking to the super best friend of the subject of their argument.

"OWN HIM? Dude, seriously?" Stan couldn't help but to be shocked at what Kenny just said. Sure, he was used to Kenny's possessive traits for random kids but he never thought that Cartman would be interested on anybody, most especially Kyle. "Cartman…you like Kyle?" He raised a brow, turning to the brunette.

"It's none of your fucking business, you jock cock!" Cartman yelled angrily, still, a shade of pink was visible on his chubby cheeks.

"I…couldn't believe it." Stan said slowly, glancing at the table, then at Cartman, back to the table.

Kenny cleared his throat and said, "Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, he's _mine_. Kyle Broflovski is _my_ property, understand fatass?"

"No fucking way! Besides, I deserve him better! I know all of his weaknesses and soft spots, and whenever some bastard hurts that Jew rat, I know EXACTLY how to handle it! You only want him cause you're looking for a new fuck-mate!" Cartman yelled, pounding on the table and gaining attention from other students.

"Fuck-mate? Yeah right. In case you're forgetting, we're about Kyle here. Kyle-fucking-Broflovski. And knowing him, he's not like me who's ready to jump at any living thing and fuck it. He has control, and that's what I love about him. He's a good kid, but all you ever did was insult and belittle him, you selfish racist." Kenny shot back, his voice harsher than before.

"Hey, hey guys. Stop, okay? Just quit it." Stan decided to step in before it gets worse. "What if Kyle arrives and hears all your fuss, huh? Drop it already."

"Fuck you, Marsh. No faggy jock kid will tell me what to do." Cartman said, cold eyes not bothering to look up at the raven. He's busy glaring at Kenny, who, glared back.

"Yeah Stan. Just because you have no chance of winning over Kyle doesn't mean you could interfere with us." Kenny glanced at Stan for a while, before glaring back at Cartman.

"Just st—what the FUCK did you just said, McCormick?" Stan's eyes, which were soft and calm seconds ago, darkened. Kenny smirked, breaking his glaring competition with Cartman.

"Why so mad, Stanley? Is it true?" Kenny asked, trying to sound as innocent as possible. "Well, it's good to know that you have already given up and left me with my last enemy. Thanks buddy." The blonde smiled.

"Just to let you know, _I_ have the biggest chance to win Kyle! He's _my_ super best friend for fuck's sake! We practically grew up together! We already know each other so well, it's like we're…"

"Meant to be?" Kenny interjected, his smile turning to a grin.

"Goddamit Kenny." Stan grumbled as pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Look, I'm not gonna force you dickheads to give up. I'm just informing you that you have no fucking chance of winning over the Jew and his Jewish ass. There." Cartman said as quietly as possible, sitting down like the debate's finished. Kenny proved him wrong.

"Actually, your chances of winning over Kyle are slim to none." Kenny said matter-of-factly, before turning to Stan. "Right Stan?"

Stan managed to grumble a 'yeah' before Cartman started to throw them insults and curses, which have fallen on deaf ears. Kenny, whose chin is still resting atop his palm, 'listened' to Cartman's rants, a huge grin not leaving his face. Meanwhile, Stan looked at the brunette like he was crazy.

Not far from their table, Kyle stood, completely pissed at the sight of his friends, fighting. _Again_. According to his observations, they ( specially Kenny and Cartman ) have been fighting a lot lately. Though, he doesn't know why. Whenever he tried to ask, Kenny would just smile at him and say it's nothing. He would, however, find Cartman blushing. But it seems like Stan's have been dragged into the fight as well.

He sighed, running a hand through his curly, red locks, while holding a book firmly in his other hand. Not knowing what to do ( and certainly not wanting to get dragged into the fight like Stan ), he turned the other direction.

"Son of a bitch…" he muttered as he left the noisy cafeteria.

**I truly apologize for the crappy ending. :| It's 3 in the morning here. =.= I'm also sorry if the characters are OOC, like I said, it's my first SP fic. So, yeah. Tell me what you think! Reviews, faves and such are LOVED! :DD**


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